Strength in Weariness
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12, NIV)
I’ve posted my P.U.S.H. story before, but I felt the need to post it again in case someone else is having trouble understanding why they have to go through so many trials in life, and to let them know they are not alone. If I can get through all the obstacles I've had to face in one piece, I believe you can too!
The phrase P.U.S.H –“Pray Until Something Happens” or “Praise Until Something Happens” has gained a lot of popularity because more and more people understand that praying and praising are integral parts to overcoming obstacles and experiencing breakthroughs. I am a woman who has been pushed, but with the help of God, I always P.U.S. H. back.
If you are feeling pushed like there is no hope for your situation, please read my P.U.S.H story! I’m a woman who has been pushed to the absolute edge of my limits, but I survived because as I mentioned before, I push back. God won’t let me give up on life, and since you’re reading this, I know He won’t let you give up either.
My pastor once said something that stuck with me, and it spoke to exactly how I was feeling at the time. He said that when he was a little boy, he used to like to punch the clown punching bag. He remembered that no matter how hard it was punched, it always bounced right back. It never fell. He realized there was something inside the bag that wouldn’t allow it to fall. He likened it to his life and the lives of so many including you and me. Even though we all get punched, pulled, and pushed sometimes, there is something or shall I say someone on the inside of us that won’t allow us to fall. That someone is God. He allows us to bounce back! He is even helping us to bounce back today by bringing us together to encourage each other and to be encouraged. He always works it out so that even if we do have to fall, it won’t take us long to get back on our feet.
One way that we can bounce back from all of the pushing and punches we receive in life is through prayer. I had to learn to pray until something happens. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t easy in times of weariness and doubt, but it’s essential to moving towards a breakthrough. You may be in a situation right now where you feel pressed on every side, but I can tell you, that even with the pain you may be feeling right now, don’t stop pushing. Your breakthrough is on the way. “How do I know?” you may ask. I know because God is faithful and it’s promised in Galatians 6:9 “…for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (NIV)
So, if you’re ready, I’m going to get transparent and tell you my P.U.S.H story. I’ll start by saying that I never wanted to tell this story. Friends and co-workers often encouraged me to write a book and encourage others by what I’ve been through. Whenever they would make those comments, I would look at them as if they were crazy. It’s way too personal. I would never embarrass myself like that. At the time, I didn’t even want to be living my life let alone writing about it. Well, often, pushing your way past embarrassment is the only way to your breakthrough. But anyway, I digress…here’s my story in a timeline format. Because my P.U.S.H. story is so lengthy, it is divided into three blog posts. I hope you will find encouragement in knowing that even with my difficult circumstances, choosing to P.U.S.H back is worth it. Here's the beginning.
March 2005 – I have fibroid tumor surgery. Around 20 + fibroids were removed. Recovery was long and difficult. I was only 25 years old, and doctors told me to quickly have a baby before the fibroids reappeared. Side note: I was not even dating and definitely not close to marriage. Thanks for your great advice docs!
The day after my surgery- I was readmitted to the hospital for a “lazy bowel”/ blockage. A complication that often happens with those types of surgeries.
May 2006- My first book, In the Fire, is published. I am ecstatic and grateful to God for the opportunity to touch lives!
June 2006- May 2011- Life is fairly smooth in light of going through a couple of tough relationships. It is also during this time that I meet the awesome man that I will marry. That makes up for those bad relationships tenfold.
June 2011- My mother was diagnosed with dementia. This was a tough time for my family and me because my mother is a spitfire and getting her to understand that she couldn’t continue to care for herself was a nightmare. Also, coming to grips with the fact that my strong mommy needed daily living help was heartbreaking.
September 2012- I get married to a wonderful man! Prayer and God’s favor brought us together. There were so many signs of God’s blessing on our union. For example, the event organizers had taken a picture of the exact moment we met!
January 2013- While having a phone conversation with my dad, I realized he might be facing some severe memory challenges as well.
October-November 2013- The stress of a new marriage, moving away from the familiar, taking a fast-paced income tax course, dealing with my mother’s dementia, and working long hours at work take a toll on me physically. Because of these stressors, scar tissue from my March 2005 surgery wrapped around my intestines, literally choking them and causing so much pain that I was rushed to the emergency room where I literally try to climb the walls to find some sort of relief. I end up in the hospital for nine days having to undergo a procedure to remove the scar tissue.
After nine days, I am released from the hospital, a few days later, I am readmitted for bowel obstruction…again.
March 2014- My husband and I begin to try to conceive a baby.
April 2014- We try again.
May 2014- We try again.
June 2014- We try excessively since I was off work for the summer. I begin undergoing acupuncture to shrink fibroids and obtain pregnancy. Oh, I forgot to tell you, the fibroids did grow back.
July 2014- We try some more.
Early August 2014- A colleague shares with me that she had difficulty getting pregnant until a relaxing vacation. So, I schedule a relaxing vacation with my hubby to Charleston, SC.
August 31, 2014 (my birthday)- On our way to my birthday dinner, I get dizzy all of a sudden. I try to hold back excitement because it’s my second time in a few days getting dizzy. I suspect that I’m pregnant.
Labor Day weekend 2014- We travel to Charleston, S.C. (I find out that I’m not pregnant shortly before this trip) We enjoy ourselves anyway.
September 2014- I begin having difficulty driving. I consistently feel like I’m floating and imbalanced. I also feel extreme fatigue. It becomes hard to have conversations with people because of the fatigue I experience just from having to look at them. It becomes embarrassing, and I have to sit before I talk to anyone, and I definitely can’t look them in the eye. I have to press the side of my head or lie back on the headrest just to drive. Grocery shopping becomes extremely difficult. All of the items in the store become sensory overload. It takes all I have in me just to shop. Coming home to cook the food I’d just bought was absurd because of the fatigue. So, many times after purchasing one hundred dollars or more worth of groceries, I’d have to order fast food for my dinner because shopping, putting the groceries away and cooking would be fatal. (Well, I probably wouldn’t have died, but I would definitely feel close to it.)
During this time, prayer became a constant because I needed God to help me do even the most basic of things such as taking a shower and applying lotion. I had no choice but to call out to Him and ask Him for His strength, and that’s what He calls us to do.
“But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me.” (Psalm 22:19, NIV)
Isaiah 40:29 also says, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” (NIV)
He truly gave me strength in my weariness, and there is no other explanation for it. It could have only come from Him because I was running on fumes. If you are running on fumes today, cry out to Him, and He will give you rest. I know because I have experienced it firsthand, and so will you. I hope you have a blessed day and I want you to know that no matter how bad the situation looks, God’s perspective always looks better than ours. Rest in that.
Stay tuned for the next installation of my P.U.S.H. story! Until then, keep P.U.S.Hing!